“I Am Gonna Puke In This Place!”

11 Jan

Dear Team Purple:

How do you start a blog about a Team on a Show that is called the Biggest Loser? Having plenty of experience LIVE and other Blogging about LOST over the last couple of seasons, we inevitably realized that we clearly could not LIVE blog to the Biggest Loser, not just because it’s not LOST (bless LOST), but also because one cannot type while watching a dear friend and her sister who are on the Biggest Loser. Why you might ask? Well tears and typing don’t mix, Dammit. Why is this show so filled with tears? Oh right, it’s the life changing goings on, but WOW.

Having not seen much of The Biggest Loser we had no clue what to expect, other than folks busting boo-tay to lose weight.  We knew we’d cry, because our friend would be opening her heart and sharing her life, weighing on a ginormous scale while wearing bike shorts and a sports bra, and being pushed to extreme limits by two of the most famous trainers on the planet, all in front of millions of people.  She’d cry, we’d cry, Sami Brady would be crying, and you’d well up with tears.  Admit it.

But we also knew we’d all laugh, because my girl, Olivia Ward, and her sister, Hannah Curlee, would be bringing their southern sass into the homes of America, and what the world needs now is more southern sass.  Amen.

Watching the first episode of this new Season brought forth many feelings, tears, thoughts and of course, observations. However, clearly the world needs observations from a Biggest Loser Newbie to revel in, just as the show is starting its 11th Season. Lula is  just the person to share those with you:

*Bob Harper is H-O-T.  I mean, please.  Why have y’all been holding out on me?  Olivia and Janet and I have spent far too many hours discussing our love of a particular Swede but I’m now adding the trainer from Tennessee to our collective Freebie Five.  For real.

Hey there, I'm just a HOT guy you didn't know about.

*Someone needs to get me the brand & shade of Jillian’s lip gloss, as it is fabulous.  And by “someone,” I clearly mean Olivia, as she is the Make-Up Goddess.

*The Brita water bottles used by the contestants for rehydration are straight up hideous.  Can Brita not provide bottles which match each team’s prospective color?  (Purple, REPRESENT!)  If not, may I politely suggest to NBC that this might be a job for the nice people at PUR?  Is all I’m saying.

*When Olivia spoke of “going to the Ranch,” I pictured her working out at this industrial-type gym in the middle of a barren desert, surrounded by tumbleweeds, cactus, bales of hay, and maybe a few horses.  Imagine my surprise to learn that “the Ranch” is decorated with wrought-iron light fixtures, flowers and topiary trees.  It essentially looks like a resort.  This “Ranch” is awesome.

*Alison Sweeney is pretty in pink, and it might be unprofessional and fangirly of me to refer to her as “Sami Brady.”  But as Alice Horton as my witness, she will always be Samantha Brady to me.   (OH MY STARS, Team Purple has met Sami Brady!  And so our the days of your lives.)

What I learned from my first two hours of The Biggest Loser:

*Jillian is badass.  She is also not a woman who gives a sh*t.  This is a lesson we will all do well to remember.

*Bob is badass.  He is also tenderhearted.  Who didn’t appreciate his walk with Arthur?  Bob is training our friend, y’all!  That’s just awesome right there.

*Jillian would be an awesome Quidditch beater.  For Gryffindor, of course.

*Hands down, the best one-liners of the episode came from Team Purple.  No surprise there!  Let’s review some of their gems, shall we?

–“I thought this was Biggest Loser,” says Hannah.  “But apparently this is pick your own trainer–who’s behind door #2?” scoffs Olivia.

–“Really?  You’re gonna give up Bob & Jillian?” Olivia is incredulous.  So were we.  And we get it. Four weeks of immunity is an awesome gift.  But so is looking at Bob and Jillian for even just 1 week.  Wait, I said looking.   Of course I mean training.  Ahem.

–“Somebody lost a kindergartner!” “A kindergartner and a bulldog!”  Hannah & Olivia, upon learning that someone who was trained by the “unknown trainers” lost 41 pounds.

As the episode ended and we knew that both Olivia and Hannah were safely ensconced at the Ranch for another week, we agreed with Olivia’s assessment of their weight loss (16 pounds apiece):  “That is not shabby!”  Yes, that is not shabby at all!  Though neither of us have watched this show much before, clearly it will be our weekly Tuesday date  and of course we’ll use this show as our LOST replacement cheer for you to be above the yellow line.

 Our friend and her sister pushed a Chevy truck around a ranch in California.  What did you do this week?  

Outside Pushing Our Cars Down The Street,
Lula & Jane


19 Responses to ““I Am Gonna Puke In This Place!””

  1. Lula January 11, 2011 at 1:39 am #


  2. and78 January 11, 2011 at 1:46 am #

    Aww…you guys are BL newbies! I’ve been watching off and on all seasons, but it’s exciting to really care about one team!! And the fact that Olivia and Hannah now know Samantha Jean makes me giddy.

  3. HeyyyBrother January 11, 2011 at 2:29 am #

    “Heyyy Loser!” That is how I shall greet Ms. Skinny Thang the next time I’m lucky enough to see her pretty face. I’ve literally never watched a minute of The Biggest Loser before, but obviously I’ll be watching religiously this season. Also, while our ladies might be full of sass and biting wit, let us not forget the other side of Team Purple: overwhelming compassion! Which team continuously congratulated and cheered on others? Which team tried to help Team Blue’s Arthur off the floor? TEAM PURPLE, duh. So proud of those ladies.

  4. Chelsea January 11, 2011 at 5:12 am #

    I may have done a combination gigglesnort/jumpyclap when Olivia let loose with the kindergartner line. Because I’m hoping that she got that little colloquialism from me this summer. Cause I say shit like that all the time. And I want to feel special.

    I may or may not also be sporting a purple sports bra at the gym on Tuesdays…

  5. Ben Ward January 11, 2011 at 5:19 am #

    Oh, she’s going to get hours of happiness reading this blog when she comes home as one of then final four!! With Alice Horton as my witness!

  6. Ben Ward January 11, 2011 at 5:20 am #

    Wrong email!….sorry 🙂

  7. emmeloowhoo January 11, 2011 at 6:12 am #

    So thrilled for this and any other team purple groupie site! I wear purple every Tuesday just to keep me thinking about Olivia and Hannah! so super excited and can’t wait to watch their progress… well done ladies!

  8. bekah buttons January 11, 2011 at 3:19 pm #

    bitches copying my blog.

    • letters2teampurple January 11, 2011 at 5:30 pm #

      You know I can only write blogs with letters. This is FACT! And Olivia is ultra familiar with the format, so we shall not shock the skinny mini when she can read it.

    • JamieInTheCity January 12, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

      I was all confused….most the time Jane copies LTT it’s because she is mocking a hater on LTT.

      Still love team purple.

      • letters2teampurple January 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm #

        Honestly that is part of the humor in this blog, as clearly O knows that I do crazy things like this with the L2Alex and such. It makes it all the more funny for her. Also…..well nevermind. Yeahh go Team Purple!

  9. themoonisdown January 11, 2011 at 7:06 pm #


    “…weighing on a ginormous scale while wearing bike shorts and a sports bra…”

    dudes. DUDES. big ups to obird.

  10. MrsKowski January 11, 2011 at 8:35 pm #

    Olivia will provide enough one liners to keep this blog full of laughs, no live blogging necessary! That girl is FULL of sass!!


  11. Li Li January 13, 2011 at 6:29 pm #

    holy crap, i had no idear there was a blog! WHOOT. Love it. And Team Purple. And Trainer Bob. Even though he doesn’t play for our team. Although…that’s probs why I like him so much.

    anyone up for Bob/Unknown Male Trainer Slash?? no? too soon for slash jokes?

  12. Betsy Curlee January 14, 2011 at 1:55 am #

    I am the proud mama of these two amazing ladies! Love this blog-it is hilarious and the girls would love it. They were in rare form last night-top dawgs-go team purple!

    • lula34 January 14, 2011 at 2:11 am #

      MAMA CURLEE!!!!!! Well, we have arrived…because you commented. Awesomeness forever!

  13. operarose January 14, 2011 at 4:36 am #

    this blog looks strangely familiar.

    go purple! (any team with witty, smart ladies not afraid to wear spandex and be known on the interwebs as the “Twilight fan team” surely deserve to win.)


  1. Tweets that mention “I Am Gonna Puke In This Place!” « letters2teampurple -- Topsy.com - January 11, 2011

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Janet. Janet said: RT @DearTeamPurple: So @MyTrainerBob is H-O-T & should perhaps be called #HOTBob, yes? http://bit.ly/dQP55B […]

  2. Sometimes your friends are big ole losers, I mean for real « letters2teampurple - January 18, 2011

    […] before the day that Biggest Loser aired, and we shared with you our initial thoughts of our first true biggest loser watching experience? We discussed Bob’s hotness, posted pics of him shirtless and decided that the BL would be […]

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