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Middle Earth, Clearly….and “Purple Moments are NOT Boring”

12 Apr

Aramisette, is this the BOB you love, right here?

Middle Earth = NZ, duh

8:00 PM Jane: Wait are we here?

 Lula:   hey, JANE

  ok, here we go!!!!!

  Look, it’s BOB.

  aramisette, we always refer to BOB in all caps.

 Jane: YO ya’ll!

 Aramisette: k

 Jane: It’s time

8:01 PM We have Ms. Aramisette with us tonight to share in her awesomeness

 Aramisette: Draamaaaaa

 Lula: DRAMZ.

 Jane: “Trainer” is that what we are calling Brett now?

 Aramisette: oh yes it CAN Tara

 Lula: YAY, MARTA IS OUR PEOPLE.

  No, we are calling Brett, Buh-Bye.

  (Mean)

 Aramisette: Durh

  EEEeeeeeep!!!!!

 Jane: Watch their faces!

 Aramisette: So

  Freaking

  JELLY!

 Lula: Um, hi.

8:02 PM Please go to Middle Earth. JEALOUS.

  Awesome.

 Jane: SOOO exciting. O just gave an O face

 Aramisette: have other seasons gone anywhere?

  HA! Jane

  I didn’t watch BL before this

 Jane: Ummm wait, did she just say, “NZ I have heard of it” like it is a book

  Oh no

 Aramisette: hahaha

8:03 PM Lula: I don’t know if they’ve ever gone anywhere

  but oh dear–Kaylee. no.

 Jane: OK, yes Marta I think they have gone places before

  But not sure. We’ll ask Jen from BL

 Lula: Olivia deserves luxury. let’s just say it now.

 Aramisette: whaaaat?

  Oh Hannah

  not good

 Lula: GO OLIVIA.

  craptastic.

 Aramisette: Noooooo

8:04 PM Jane: Awww shucks

 Lula: He seriously needs a new did. Love his heart.

 Aramisette: I wonder if he makes it to makeover week

 Jane: PURTTY

 Look at how skinny O’s face is.

(Apparently we’re admiring O’s face for a bit)

8:06 PM Aramisette: very cool that Hannah and Olivia got to go to NZ together

 Jane: Awww Moses knows about Auckland

 Aramisette: of course!

  it’s part of his history

  i like Alison’s hair btw

 Jane: How much do we love Sami’s belt

 Aramisette: bungee jumping!!

 Lula: ADVENTURE!

8:07 PM Jane: I really liked Sami’s outfit too!

  Finally adventure

 Aramisette: how long arethey in NZ?

 Lula: Yes, loved Sami Brady’s outfit. Very Spring-y.

  It takes like 2 days to fly there…18 hour flight, but then you gotta adjust your body clock and all that mess.

 Aramisette: Ha!

  DearTeamPurple

8:08 PM Aramisette: “They’re in Middle Earth:”

  BWahahaha

 Lula: ROSIE PEREZ

 Aramisette: SO TRUE

  she’s a tiny lil Rosie Perez

 Jane: Look at them running up them stairs. Amazing

 Lula: Jane named her that–Rosie Perez, Jr. so genius

 Jane: YOU ARE HANNAH!!

8:09 PM Aramisette: RP Jr

 Jane: Hannah you are NOT annoying ever…someone else we know who talks like ROsie is annoying

  Poor Ken, bless it

 Lula: Oh, KEN.

 Aramisette: BOB

 Jane: BOB

  jinx

 Lula: BOB is on top.

  TWSS.

 Aramisette: snort

  i love him and his smiling face and tatoos

 Lula: And Olivia is up there with him.

 Jane: Oh no I am worried for Jikk

8:10 PM jill

 Aramisette: shuuuut the fuck up

  holy shiiiiiit

  COMMERCIAL

 Lula: Ken is gonna pass out.

 Jane: That was crazy

  I thought you said Ken just passed out, then I reread

 Lula: and lemme tell y’all–unless Jason or Henry or Alex was waiting to catch me, I would NOT DO THAT SHIZ.

 Jane: He prob did

8:11 PM No way….never

  Marta would you do that bungee stuff?

 Aramisette: maybe?

  i dunno

  i don’t mind rides and stuff

 Jane: Really? My bro did once, but I don’t think I’d do that

 Aramisette: not sure about bumgee jumping

  *bungee

  hahaha

8:12 PM BUMgee

 Jane: I like rides too, but bungee just seems bad for me to try, I feel like I will get hurt, I ALWAYS GET HURT

  BUMGEE sound funnn

 Lula: I don’t mind rides–but that ain’t no ride

 Aramisette: i know

Lula: that is FREE FALLING

  no way.

 Aramisette: fear of my back or neck snapping the wrong way 😕

  :/

8:13 PM U are double tweeting LA!

 Jane: YES I wanna cruise with BOB

 Aramisette: all the time lately

 Lula: It’s not me. it’s my computer

 Aramisette: BACK

 Jane: Poor Jill

 Lula: Jane–you go tweet from the account since my laptop is sick or some shiz.

  lame.

 Jane: But you are better at tweeting during the show and you know it

 Lula: she is CUSSING. love her.

8:14 PM Jane: Just double tweet!

 Aramisette: whatever LA

 Jane: I like you twice

 Aramisette: u can just delete the doubles

 Lula: i do delete them!

  Moses & Rulon are like, SWEET. So is Jay.

 Jane: That is NUTZ that they can’t do it cause of weight

  Still an issue

 Aramisette: O is like first with her hand up

 Jane: SHe is!

8:15 PM I couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t, but maybe in the moment it would be different

 Lula: Coach Olivia–cheering Ken on. BLESS IT.

 Aramisette: yeah

  me too

 Lula: and Bob is probably gonna make me cry.

8:16 PM Jane: He is being amazing, as per the usual

  BOB RULES

 Aramisette: d’awwww

 Lula: BOB

 Aramisette: they’re being buddies

 Lula: OH MY STARS, Y’ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Aramisette: well, we know they didn’t die

  hahaha

 Lula: Olivia is gonna do it!

 Aramisette: she is Monica from Friends

  super control freak

 Jane: Purple Team we are praying for you, even though we know you lived

8:17 PM Aramisette: hahaha

 Jane: SUCH a Monica

 Aramisette: yes

  HOLY FRAAACK

 Jane: Unnatural

  Hahahha

  Ohh BOB

 Lula: UNNATURAL.

  Awesome.

  BOB rocks my world.

 Aramisette: hahahaha

  she’s flaaailing

 Lula: I am so proud of her.

8:18 PM Jane: I just screamed

  I really did with her the whole way

 Lula: IS IT TIGHT ENOUGH?

  Oh, BOB. That is what HE said.

  (Yeah, I said it.)

 Aramisette: he’s like, whyyy?

  oh Bob

8:19 PM it’ll be Ok

 Jane: Hey Maybe Hannah meets a hot NZ guy with a sexy accent

 Aramisette: Oh Jill

  except aging

 Jane: “Exceprt aging”

 Aramisette: hahaha

 Jane: jinx

 Aramisette: dood

  if i went to New Zealand?

  i would so do this

 Jane: I feel for BOB

 Aramisette: once in a lifetime thing

  i’d do everything i could

 Lula: I’d do it if I had a few drinks in me

 Aramisette: YOU CAN DO IT BOB

8:20 PM Jane: BOB will you do me for the BL? Wait, I didn’t say that

  No I DID

 Lula: JANE I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

 Aramisette: durtyyyy

 Lula: best line of the night

8:21 PM Jane: I am red, I never talk dirty

 Lula: hey, you might rock his world and he might want a new persuasion

 Aramisette: i want a kiwi accent

 Jane: But he set me up

  YES

 Aramisette: COMMERCIAL

 Jane: Why is it a kiwi? I want to move there. Let’s look into it

 Lula: dude, we looked into going there for our 10th anniversary–

 Aramisette: just the nickname

 Lula: the airfare alone is RIDIC

 Aramisette: lil bro wants to move there

  bad

8:22 PM and live on a farm

 Lula: scott would have to have first or business class due to his longass legs and the flight being so long….

 Aramisette: yeah, if u go

  u do NZ and Australia

 Lula: forget it–like, thousands of dollars

 Aramisette: for like, 3 weeks

  at least

 Lula: but we still say we’re gonna go one day–without our kids

 Aramisette: i get mad at lil bro when he says he’s moving there b/c that means i’ll never see him

8:23 PM Jane: Silly lil bro

  So far I called Lula silly and little bro tonight

  <<<< I AM SILLY

 Lula: oh, Jane–when The Voice premieres, BL is only 1 hour long that night. lame

 Jane: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 Lula: (I am silly)

8:24 PM Jane: Maybe they will combine and put Christina on the bL that night, no?

 Aramisette: just 1 night?

 Lula: i think–just that night

  Xtina needs some Trainer BOB to whip her boo-tay into shape

  so does Cee-Lo but i loves him

8:25 PM Jane: I know. I was being mean. I NEED 2 hours of Olivia.

  And she cheers him on from thousands of feet down.

 Lula: oh heeeeeeeey, random NZ cutie

 Aramisette: HOT

8:26 PM crazy kiwis

 Jane: Very very hot

 Aramisette: with their super hot accents

 Lula: bless it

 Aramisette: i need me one of those adventure men

  GO KEN

 Jane: KEN!! Amazing

 Lula: I hope Jillian jumps on him

8:27 PM Aramisette: so sad that Courtney couldn’t be here 😦

 Jane: Me too.

  I like Jill’s tee-shirt and enthusiasm

  I can’t spell that

8:28 PM Hahah

  Whatever

 Lula: en-thu-seeeeee-as-m.

8:29 PM Jane: Good for you Moses and BOB. Love it!

 Aramisette: Awwwww

 Jane: Tears may be coming, hearing men cry make me cry

 Lula: BOB is the man

8:30 PM Aramisette:  that was weird

 Jane: It was, there must have been more

  Dear BOB: GIVE Olivia the phone!

 Aramisette: ON

8:31 PM Lula: a lot of times, aramisette, Jane and I admit when we’re bord.

 Aramisette: Kiiiiwiiii!

 Lula: bored.

  we’ll say, THIS IS BORING.

 Aramisette: hahaha

 Lula: and then talk about how we love Olivia.

  ain’t no thang

 Jane: And is this where THE pic came from on FB??

  That is very cool

 Aramisette: what ic?

  *pic?

 Jane: Maybe Austin will be a boatsmen

 Lula: the pic on Jillian’s FB that had Jay in it–so we all knew that Jay was the one coming back.

 Jane: Jill had a pic on FB when she went to NZ with everyone and it showed Jay

 Lula: #NoSurprise

 Jane: Hahaha

8:32 PM This looks fun

 Aramisette: what do u mean the one coming back?

  #confuzzled

 Lula: ‘member, Hannah & Rulon brought Jay back to their team cause it was just the 2 of them

  cause he’d been sent home a long time ago

 Aramisette: ooooh

  ok

 Jane: I want to go sailing!

8:33 PM Aramisette: me too

  my mum used to sail

 Lula: me, too. even though this is kinda boring

 Aramisette: i’m like, why did u never teach me?!

 Lula: like–I’d rather see H and O sailing. with hot dudes. and Ben.

 Jane: I love sailing and once dated a guy a month longer cause he had a sailboat

 Aramisette: it’s a MOMENT

  hahaha

 Lula: yes, but sometimes these moments bore us.

 Jane: Ohh Mama should teach you!

 Lula: Especially Kaylee moments.

 Jane: MOMENTS

 Lula: SISTERS.

 Aramisette: purple moments are not boring

8:34 PM Jane: Awwww that TeamPurple moment is GOOOOOO

 Aramisette: WOAH

 Jane: WOW

 Aramisette: holy shit

 Jane: And it just got real

 Aramisette: he just called Tara out

  it’s what we’ve been saying

  no one is as good as BOB and JILL

 Lula: Cara is lame.com <http://lame.com>

 Jane: Ken has discovered Rope Juggling does not a burn get

8:35 PM Aramisette: WOW

  wow

  she was about to cry

 Jane: I know, it does make me feel bad

  Aramisette: hahahaha

  awww Jane

  i mean JODIE

8:36 PM Jane: hehe

 Lula: i have to peeeeeeee….be right back

 Jane: I am writing down my calories from dinner

  I have been eating like a pescatarian

  Is that how you spell it

8:37 PM No meat just fish, veggies, legumes

 Aramisette: i think it’s a different word?

 Jane: Cheese

  Yogurt

 Aramisette: or how long?

 Jane: For like a month maybe

  Nope I think I may have had chicken

  Not sure

 Aramisette: so when u started u were eating meat?

8:38 PM BACK

 Jane: Yeaah

  BACK

  duh

 Aramisette: is it mostly the working out that’s gettign u to lose?

 Jane: Ohh Ken is going to take over here, and it should be interesting!

 Aramisette: i’m scared

  i hate confrontation

 Jane: Me, no. The writing down of calories is what’s helping

8:39 PM Problem or whatever, let’s talk

 Aramisette: eeeep

 Jane: That’s how she starts a cove

  “Very professiona;”

  with an L

8:40 PM Of she is awful, this is very unprofessional.

  She interrupted him

 Aramisette: this is making me feel awkward

  she’s crying

 Jane: Me too. She is a BIT

  What the efff?

 Aramisette: oh my god oh my god oh my god

8:41 PM Jane: GO Jill you are amazing

  She has no sides

 Aramisette: Cara is being unprofessional

 i can’t listen!

 Lula: sorry, back

 had to kiss the girls goodnight

 8:42 PM Lula: dude, i missed DRAMZ already

 Aramisette: hahaha

  i am so bad

 Jane: YOU DID

 Aramisette:BIG OOPS

 ew i hate bear crawl

  so awkward

 Jane: Work it!

  Loving O’s stud earrings

8:43 PM Oh good She’s focussing on Ken. Good

  Cara has lots of purple on, but she ain’t Team Purple just sayin

 Lula: oh, but YOU AREN’T.

8:44 PM (as good as BOB & Jillian.)

  #I’mMean

 Jane: O’s a GREAT shopper duh

 Aramisette: she knows how to do everything

 Jane: SHe is a cool cat

8:45 PM Aramisette: i’ve never dieted before

  just altered my life eating

  but yeah

  it’s hard to know what to do when you haven’t had to do it before

8:46 PM Lula: lower calories, up activity

  it’s so simple, yet WHO WANTS TO DO THAT?

  i mean, duh

 Aramisette: i know

  it sucks

8:47 PM Jane: I KNOW

  Writing everything down helps me so much

  And I have been learning I LOVE FISH

  Like love love love it

 Aramisette: it’s pricey tho

 Jane: It is, but I rather have fish over anything else or just like hummus

  and veggies

  or cheese

8:48 PM SO purty

  CHALLENGE

 Lula: love Fish

 Jane: Do we like Sami’s hat?

 Lula: love, love love

  and love it grilled, which is key

  i do not like Sami’s hat

  it’s too much

  she’s trying too hard, I think

 Jane: The matchy matchy

8:49 PM Lula: yes.

 Jane: Five K!!

 Aramisette: it’s Ok

 Lula: change the shirt or change the color in the hat and i’d like it better

  maybe the shirt–

  change it.

 Jane: Hannah loves to run on beaches!

 Lula: OK, done with Sami fashion hour

 Jane: hehe

 Lula: Olivia’s skin looks amazing. I hate her.

 Jane: Running as a TEAM

8:50 PM yuggggg

  When they say lovely lunch it worries me as a contestant

  I would be like how lovely?

  Low calories lovely?

  OK here we go!

  Running

 Lula: healthy lovely

 Aramisette: of course!

8:51 PM it’s the view that’s lovely

 Jane: O is helping Moses along. Amazing

 Lula: LOVELY view. oh my stars, that is amazing

 Jane: Totally amazing

  GO GO GO

 Aramisette: eeeep

8:52 PM Jane: I have a strange question, do men need sports bras too?

  I mean I hurt when I am jiggly all over the place

  Those gurls are cheering on MO

  I love it

 Aramisette: well

  technically no

8:53 PM but they should have them for when they’re that big

 Jane: Running in water. WOW!

 8:54 PM awesome!

 Jane: I love it when Hannah talks to her “old self”

 Crazy times

 Go up the dune dune ya’ll

 Aramisette: oh noes

 Jane: GO MOOOOO!

8:55 PM Aramisette: hooow do they do it?

 Jane: This is scary

  Irene the NINJA

  I love that O is right with MO just talking it through with him

8:56 PM Lula: it’s sometimes hard to walk on sand–much less climb that shiz

 Jane: Did you see what BL Jen just wrote

  “Somebody get in Ken’s face! He needs help!”

 That is the BLBlog girl

  She is our Bloggy friend

  Her name is Jen

8:57 PM She writes some FUNNNNY

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So, We All Zone Out During the Challenges & We Say Good-bye to the Mama

15 Mar

Dear Team Purple, Black, Blue…

Hello my lovely team purple members and avid blog followers (editor’s note – hahahaha) . This is @brookelockart filling in this week, giving Jane a break from blogging. Hannah, you don’t know me, but I’m one of those “book club” friends of Olivia’s. I’m also on the mission to make you an east coast girl, so prepare yourself! 

We heart "book club"!

Sorry for the late post, but it’s been one of those weeks, then it was one of those weekends when you get totally sucked into a book all the sudden it’s Tuesday and you haven’t posted (but you’ve read a series of 5 books…), I digress.

Similar to Lula and Janet, this is my first full season of watching the biggest loser. I’ve watched episodes here or there but do people always change colors this often?  So this week you all became one big team, I’m all for team unity, but now I can’t change the channel when the red team came on (kill me, I like Glee). 

As a team, you are supposed to lose more total weight than both teams did the week prior. If you do, no one goes home. Yes! I’m pumped. I have faith! Ahh, but the body is tricky and I swear all you girls are on the rag at the same time. Water weight bloat sucks!

This week’s episode shows before and after pictures for each of the contestants at their current weight loss. I’m just amazed at some of their progress. You can really see it in Rulon’s face. Olivia, you are of course looking fabulous and Hannah, soooo skinny.

There’s a challenge, I zone out. Teams appear to be struggling. Wait, the could lose it. OH! They win the challenge by mere seconds. Goooo Blue team! This will give the team some advantage at the weigh in.

When all is said and done, as a group they are unable to pull it off.  Someone must go home and it’s between Marci and Kaylee.  Kaylee gained 2 pounds (see previous on the rag comment) and Marci stays the same. Marci pleads for everyone to send her home, save Kaylee. Well, this just does it. I cry, I get emotional; I want a mom like Marci. Courtney is a very lucky girl. Marci is voted off and is not the biggest loser.

Yes, that is an OLE cake. DON't EAT IT

Well girls, you are safe for another week. I wonder if you’ll all stay as one team or change back. Maybe they’ll switch it up completely. Regardless, you have our support.

Ole!
Brooke

Sometimes, even if you’re a month behind, you let someone else blog for you

1 Mar

Dear Team Purple:

Jane – I must confess, I’ve called out for back up. I am still catching up with the past posts and still enjoying every minute of re-watching your show. But sometimes, you gotta call in the pinch hitter. Hence, Ms. (@_Freya, Meya) is taking over this evening and making my posting of tonight’s/last night’s show appear on time. #GOHER

 The Biggest Loser Episode 9

 A.K.A. The Importance of Family

A.K.A. Two Hours of Straight Crying

A.K.A. My Friend Olivia is HOT and I Want To Squeeze the HECK Out of Her

A.K.A. Find Me Someone Who is NOT Inspired by Hannah

A.K.A. Oliva + Ben = 4Ever

A.K.A Austin’s Friends are A-Holes

 The subtitles never end with this one.  I’ve been waiting for this episode forever.  If you didn’t figure out the fact that these episodes were filmed months ago, then you haven’t watched enough reality TV.  So I knew that the Biggest Loser contestants were home for two weeks around Christmas.  I even got to chat with my girl Olivia online while she was at home, but I know she spent those two weeks spinning her ASS off.  So it was good to see this episode.

When this episode began, I was finishing up watching RuPaul’s Drag Race.  Oh, yes, I went there.  That’s why I have the DVR.  So my first question about this episode is why my DVR still has a picture of Sabrina The Teenage Witch’s aunt as the host of the show instead of the gorgeous Ali Sweeney?  That’s just not right.

Of course, Ali Sweeney is bringing the “I’m bringing the PAIN” look at the beginning of the show.  But instead of the usual “You’re going to be set loose in a raging river of chocolate being chased by piranhas and you need to swim a mile in under 10 minutes” she has GOOD NEWS!  All the contestants are going home for two whole weeks! 

Do we like the new Biggest Loser uniforms?

But then she drops the hammer—this isn’t a holiday, y’all.  This is just your training ground for competing in a 5K when you get back!  Have fun!

 Olivia has some trepidation about her relationships.  She knows that she’s made some big changes in her life, and wants to be supported and understood in all of her relationships.  Pssh, girl, I could have told you you’ve got everyone on your side!  No worries!

Then we get to see how great they look out of their sports bras and bike shorts and in real clothes instead!  Mini-makeovers for everyone!  Might I just say, first of all, Olivia is a HOT PIECE, and her hair looks fantastic.  And Hannah is looking particularly hourglassy with some fab legs. 

Every family and friend reunion is special, but of course Hannah and Olivia’s are the best.  Their daddy makes me smile, a LOT.  He says it’s like seeing a new Hannah.  Everybody looks absolutely gobsmacked at Hannah’s hot new bod.

In between the sisters’ homecomings, I was especially touched by Arthur’s homecoming.  He’s at his daughter’s school for his big reveal, and he tells about being afraid to take his daughter to school, not wanting to embarrass her.  And his daughter held her head high, held his hand, and took him right into her school because she loves him.  You can tell that he’s working hard to give her so many reasons to be proud.

Cut back to Olivia.  If one thing is agreed among our friends, it is that she and Ben make marriage look GOOD.  You can tell that they only have eyes for each other from the moment she walks in the room.  And they are a sight for each other!  Ben has lost 57 lbs since Olivia left for the Ranch.  Of course my favorite bit is where Obird asks how much he’s lost, and he replies 57, and she crows “I lost 59!  HA!”  That’s my girl.

Yes, I found a pic of a girl in purple beating a boy at wrestling. #winner

More families loving on their Big Losers, then on to the commercials.  As I fast-forward my DVR, I wonder: Why on earth is there a commercial for the Next Greatest Restaurant during the Biggest Loser?  It just seems wrong to be talking about “grilled cheese for grown-ups” during a weight-loss show.

Courtney’s back at the DQ after the commercials, and is making the right choices.  Arthur and Jesse have a heart-to-heart about the emotional roots of Arthur’s gain. 

I’d like to diverge from the all-important topic of the Purps to talk about what major d-bags Austin’s friends are.  Austin’s lost almost 100 lbs.  He’s a pale as a fish’s belly, true, but a good guy, overall.  His D & D buddies (I’m just assuming here) have all come out for a bowling party for his 21st birthday!  Happy birthday, buddy!  Here, here are cheese fries and cheesecake!  Umm…a-holes.  They all stand around gawping at him, almost daring him to take a bite.  Offering him the first slice.  Tempting him.  How very supportive, friends!  It almost has Austin believing that “I deserve a rest, don’t I?”  It’s like a drug addict going back to his dealers for a party.  One of his friends kind of mutters (after Austin holds strong & doesn’t eat the food) “I feel bad.”  Yeah, you should, dickweed.

Moving on…and back to Astoria!  Holla, Queens!  Olivia takes the massive journey from her home neighborhood to Central Park for a little run with Ben.  He’s always been a runner, and now she can join him!  And I softly “squeeeeee” a little inside at their cuteness.

Kaylee continues to make me think that she’s totally ready to go home.  She’s turning into a slip of a girl, and her take-charge attitude working out her family shows that she’s learned a lot.

Hannah was all over that court and in black. See Picture above.

Back in Nashy with Hannah, she faces the gym with her parents—specifically the volleyball court.  After her sports-career ending injury, this is a challenge for her.  She’s not getting into the groove very easily, and her doubts seem to be building up.  Fortunately, some positive self-talk helps her out.  She says “Give yourself a little credit, Hannah.  Who cares if people are watching?  Who cares if I mess up?”  And once again she’s taking my heart by storm.  I love that attitude!  She gets her v-ball sass back, and even practices with her dad.  Her relationship with her dad made me bawl again, as she says “It’s my favorite thing in the whole world when my dad is proud of me.”  Yay, Daddy Curlee!  We heart you.

Time to go back to the Ranch!  They know about the 5k, but the stakes are news—it’s the same as their very first challenge—choose your trainers again!  My first reaction is in all caps—THEY (Purple Team) HAVE TO STAY WITH BOB AND JILLIAN!  I begin to panic a little.  I know that working with Bob and Jillian has been key to their success so far, and they love those trainers with all their heart.  So now I’m really rooting for them to be in the first seven finishers—those who decide their own fate.

We get a quick “Fitness Tip” with Bret and Kara.  They make “taco muffins”.  It reminds me again why I love Bob and Jillian.  Kara looks like she’s going to vom up the taco muffin even as she says “so good!”

Justin and Rulon are dominating again.   First to 1k, first to 2k.  These are manual treadmills, and they kick people’s butts pretty fast.  Sarah is dilly-dallying on the treadmill, because she’s decided she doesn’t want to choose.  She wants to leave her fate up to…well, fate.  She’s worked with all of the trainers, and feels like she could be with either team.

Lots of gratuitous steaming and sweating shots.  Like, I felt I might need to towel down just from watching.  Justin and Rulon finish first and second, then Kaylee in third, Jen in fourth, Austin in fifth, Marcie in sixth, and I SCREAMED when Olivia came in seventh (with the last position of control!).  Hannah was close on her heels with eighth place. 

The last place battle was the worst to watch.  Arthur was working as hard as he could.  He was pushing so hard.  Sarah suddenly decides to care, and puts on the power, just edging out Arthur.  He almost doesn’t finish, but his whole team pushes him to not be a quitter.  Which is why I love team Black.

Can we talk about the weigh-in?  About the fact that Bob and Jillian are both in LEATHUH?  Like a couple of extras from Grease?  Loving it.  They are so badass.  And Bob in the skinny tie—I die.

Bob and Jillian's next roles on NBC reality TV, GREASE LIVE!

The trainer choices are pretty predictable—until Jen comes out.  Jen jumps ship from Bret and Kara to get Bob and Jillian back.  Smart choice.  Then Hannah comes out with a SHOCKER—she wants to train with Bret and Kara!  Bob and Jillian look like they just got slapped in the face.  But of course, it’s a fake-out—Hannah has her black sports bra on and isn’t going anywhere.  Jillian’s reaction is classic: “I’m going to punch you out!  Get in line!  Not funny!”  Oh, but it was, Jillian.  It was HILARIOUS.  Score one for Hannah!

 Sarah is the deciding factor—if she chooses Black, Arthur will go to Red team, where he has no alliances.  Biggest Loser pulls its usual cockblocking junk, and leaves us on a cliffhanger.  Of course, this is where I run out of fast-forwarding time, and have to stick it out through the commercials to find out that, indeed, Sarah kicks Arthur over to the red team. 

Black team kicks ASS on the weigh-in.  Everyone makes double-digits, and Olivia’s 12 lb weight loss puts in her the glorious ONEderland!  Under 200 lbs for our girl!  I know she was in triple spin classes at NYC over the break, so she earned it!  Hannah loses 11 lbs, too!  For an all-girls team, they pull amazing numbers!

Then it’s Red team time, and I feel kind of disloyal at this point, because I kind of want them to lose more weight.  Like Marcie, I feel torn, because Arthur needs to be on the Ranch so much!  And if Red wins, they don’t have to get rid of him.  But it is not meant to be.  Ken, Moses, Kaylee and Justin only lose single digits.  Ken and Austin both admit that being home was “stressful” (well, no doubt with your a-hole friends, Austin!).   Arthur is shooting for immunity by being the biggest loser of the week, but he has to lose 18 lbs to make that happen.  Unfortunately, he is 2 lbs short of that goal.  Rulon is the biggest loser that week. (By the way, why is this the first episode in which I’ve noticed his cauliflower ear?  I don’t think I’ll be able to look at anything else anymore.)

Again, Bob and Jillian react in a way that makes me love them more.  While Arthur says that he’ll do his best at home, Jillian LOSES IT.  She screams “Fight, PLEASE!  We have fought for you to be here!”  Bob pleads for Arthur, saying that it is not that important to play the game, when this is a matter of life and death for Arthur, that Arthur is exactly the person Biggest Loser was made for. 

Dear Justin, This Pic's for you. Hugs, DTP

While Red team gives lip service to “thinking about” keeping Arthur, predictably, they stick by their alliances and vote him off.  Justin’s speech about “I don’t feel like I can be the judge of who needs to be here the most” is absolute BULL.  A professional just BEGGED for him to stay, saying it’s life and death!  Can’t you SEE for yourself?  Kaylee could go home, easily.  Her weight-loss is slowing.  But instead, they choose Arthur to go.  And I’m angry. 

Catching up with Arthur, we see him at 345 lbs!  This is 300 lbs down from his highest weight, and he’s working out twice a day and eating healthfully.  He is determined to win the at-home prize, and I wish him luck. 

Previews for next week feature Hannah!  So, I’m grabbing my tissues for next week, too!

Looking to invest in Kleenex Co.,

Freya

P.S. I’ve now lost 20lbs. #GOME -Jane

“It’s Never A Hot Tub.”

19 Jan

Dear Team Purple:

A theme emerged in episode three of Biggest Loser Season 11, and that’s “Live together, die alone.”  We also met the Others for the first time.

And you know any time we can work in a reference to Lost we are totally going to do it, because Jane, Lula, and our own Olivia (Team Purple!) still lament the loss of our beloved show. You are required to love us through it.  Thank you.

Team Purple, along with the rest of the peeps training with Bob & Jillian, proved the power of teamwork, while Cara and Ben Brett were finally revealed to the audience as The New Trainers, over at the Dharma camp Red Barn.  (Dun-dun-duuuuuuun.)  I like to call them “Those people who aren’t Trainer Bob & Jillian,” because let’s face it…that’s what the rest of you are calling them, too.

For the night’s first challenge we find Sami Brady nicely bundled & prepared for the rain, whereas Team Purple seems to be standing in it, sans umbrella.  OK, that’s just rude.  NBC, let’s find color-coordinated umbrellas for our Biggest Losers, shall we?   And then we have black vans, a bunch of smack talking (are we loving Courtney from the Aqua team?  We are.), the balancing of eggs on frying pans clearly purchased from Big Lots, and the winning of a prize:  lunch cooked by some dude named Curtis Stone.  Since I’m a Biggest Loser newbie the name Curtis Stone means nothing to me but Team Purple’s Hannah tells all of America, “God carved him from cream cheese.”  Fat-free cream cheese, right?  I mean, this is The Biggest Loser.

Team Aqua wins the challenge (yay, Marcy!), while The Others give it to Deni (Team Pink), which is nice of them.  I’m saddened for Team Purple, but then Trainer Bob’s Turbo Tax commercial comes on & I fire my CPA on the spot.

Meanwhile back at the Ranch (OK, y’all…cut me some slack!  It only took me 3 posts to use that phrase) we see Team Purple working it out like nobody’s business.  And because they’re so hard-working and beautiful Trainer Bob is all, “Let’s go outside to talk.”  Clearly Hannah & Olivia are Bob’s favorites and none of us are surprised by this news.

Then…I get on my knees for Bob Harper and love him more than I ever imagined possible because he is so unbelievably good to our girls.  Hannah & Olivia take turns sharing their stories with Bob (Olivia’s was not shown on air–but we have it here for you!) and as we cried along with them, Bob encouraged Team Purple to “find out what your new dreams are…it’s time to make a dream come true!“‘

Dream ladies, Dream!

The Biggest Loser – Ep 1103: Week 3 – Purple’s Worry – Video – NBC.com.

BOB FOR KING OF THE UNIVERSE.  Pass me a Kleenex, will you?

Marcy and Deni meet Curtis Stone and he cooks for them.  He also prepares the ladies a delicious, healthy lunch.  Also, Curtis Stone is not carved of fat-free cream cheese.  I said that before seeing him. Curtis Stone is full-fat Philadelphia cream cheese.

There’s also a challenge taking place while Curtis cooks but I couldn’t keep up with that.  I mean…Curtis Stone is Australian and has surfer hair and he made pan-seared halibut and I’m all, “WHY HAVE I NEVER WATCHED THIS SHOW UNTIL THIS YEAR?”  Congrats to Marcy for winning a two pound advantage at the next weigh-in.  And for getting to hug Chef Stone.  Was the made of stone, Marcy?  ‘Cause you know I’m going to ask it of you.

We find our Biggest Losers facing yet another challenge and Team Purple provides, as per usual, the soundbite of the night:  Hannah sees the row of big basins and hopes for a hot tub.   Who wouldn’t?  But Olivia, the voice of reason, reminds her, “It’s never a hot tub.”  This is logic that can be applied to life at many junctures, of course.  Y’all…sometimes it’s just never a hot tub.

The challenge commences and Hannah deems it, “Straight up Little House on the Prairie-style.”  Does this mean Jillian is Nellie Oleson?  Because Bob is totally Almanzo.  Sigh…”Manly.”

That's Hot!

Team Purple and Aqua work well together.  Heck, they’re all working well together.  Dr. Jack Shepherd was right:  live together, die alone.   Another challenge completed.  And then there’s predictable drama in the house (Jillian is OVER it and so are we…I’m sure Team Purple is over it, too!) and we move on to the last chance workout.  In which Jillian proceeds to literally walk all over Olivia and Hannah.  In this context I am OK with it.  Walk all over Team Purple, Jillian.  DO IT.

And then it’s weigh-in time and you lovely purple people, lose the same as you did last time, a whopping 6 lbs! Again also, the purple ladies lose the same exact amount, which is a bit insane. As Bob says, “Those sisters are insync!” However, they’re not the only ones who are insync. Some people brought their excessive drama to the weigh in–Team Purple brought their excessive awesome, as evidenced by their consistent shedding of pounds & their always positive attitudes.

The second elimination round goes by and there are no surprises. Those go, who wanted to go. Most importantly, the purple, “insync” sisters made it through another round and WE ALL REJOICE!