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NBC Wants Us to Not Like the Red Team, We Can’t Help It

9 Mar

Dear Team Purple:

In an effort to actually blog on time, our dearest Lula and I decided to LIVE Blog via GChat. We laughed together, we cried together, we prayed together, we screamed together, we made up stories together while bored (Red Team) and we compared ya’ll to LOST, as we should. Boy was this one a total nail biter. So very glad we made it through together. So at last, I bring you Random LIVE Blogging with Jane and Lula:

Jane:  And to begin

Hannah is amazing, but she needs to not argue with Jillian. Duh

Lula:  YES.

Jane:  Hannah you are capable!

4 reasons you do it

1) Tall and thin enough

2) Knowledge….what else?  I missed it…

Lula:  BECAUSE SHE’S SCARLETT O’HANNAH

I’m tweeting that.

 Jane:  that is it. And you know what Jill is right.  mean she does look aazing

that was amazing

Oh crap she’s making me want to get teary

I could watch the Hannah Banana show all seasn*  (*editor note – Jane is notorious for bad grammer and spelling. If it wasn’t in here, Olivia wouldn’t believe it was Jane)

 Lula:  She gon’ make me cry

 Jane:  How excited is it that Marci is now the captain? They needed a leader on that carebear team

I also think that I need to keep all bad spellings and grammer. That way Olivia will know it’s really me (*SEE)

Jane:  How much do I lovethat my Mama calls Jillian, Jill. Bless her heart. She called me as I was leaving work and she kept talking about “Jill”. Hhaha

OLIVIA!

Lula:  Look at her apron!

Jane:  Betty Crocker O

Lula:  BETTY CROCKER.

Jane:  They called her OB

Love it!

 Lula:  MAMA OLIVIA and her SIX GIRLS!  Bless it.

Jane:  Bless it. Hummus…I wants it

Spin Bike YES

Lula:  “WHAT WOULD A MOM DO?”  And now Obird is gonna make me cry.  Because we know.  WE KNOW.

I am screaming.  Please love me through it.

Jane:  She will be the greatst Mama, WE KNOW

Lula:  WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

See!  We KNOW!

WE KNOW THIS, JANET.  Oh, dear God.  Let’s just cry now.

(apparant crying ensues)

Jane:  Is it wrong that I want to yawn now?

Lula:  NO.  That they kept Kaylee (however you spell it) when she lost only 1 pound and sent Arthur home is RUDE.

(Marta just tweeted something awesome–we need to quote her.)* (* Never did find out what that was. LIVE blogging is fast)

Jane:  RUDE

I just told off Chris Weitz on Twitter. He tweets now Olivia and he kind of loses control. Doesn’t he know the Team Purple show is on?

I am a little bored still….”Family”

 Lula:  THE FAMILY STUFF IS LAME.COM <http://LAME.COM&gt;

 Jane:  Ewww Mud!

 Lula:  Also, Justin is NOT INSPIRING.

Jane:  NOT

I just said, “NOT” like that was a thoughtful comment

Ken is cooking?Hmmm

I forgot to eat lunch today, it sucks

I am hungry now.

I wonder if they use http://www.myfitnesspal.com like I do

Lula:  We had a BL supper–from the BL cookbook.

it was not so good, but hey–low calorie, low fat, LOW TASTE.  dangit.

Jane:  Was it Olivia nd not Ken based? Cause Olivia is Queen Cook

Not all the time…..Low clorie can be tasty! Really. But sometimes you get a bad one.

BURN

Gets my BURN

FREE ADVERTISING!! Now what do I get?

I type a bunch

Lula:  it was steamed brown rice (so boring) and steamed cut corn (no butter–lame) and chicken breast breaded with panko.  it was ok.  but not so tasty

Jane:  Why can’t they say when they went home? I mean some people know (and I am keepig this comment in)

It was during a hard time where people eat a lot people. I think i should be mentioned. But not by me

*it should be mentioned

Lula:  think what should be mentioned?

wait–confused.

Jane:  When the time at home was

During which period

CHALLENGE time

What does Sami have on?

Oh Sami…no

The hat!

Lula:  OH, SAMI. 

HALE NO.

That hat is ridiculous.  She knows better.  Marlena taught her better.

Jane:  What the heck are they gonna do with $6000 on campus

I don’t get the cash prize stuff while they are there

OK people Strateejury

Lula:  STRA TEE JURY.

Be right back–gotta kiss my girls.

Jane:  GO!

That’s right JEN. Red is NO victory

Lula:  back

Jane:  This is gross, and taking a while

Lula:  that is some GOO

and not GOO like our GOO

but goo like gross goo

Jane:  Gross GOO

I hope someone falls

DON’t Pannick

What on earth am I supposed to write

Lula:  “3 Foot Log”  TWSS

Jane:  OLIVIA “That Guy” YES!

That’s what we all think

Lula:  YES. i’ll tweet that. (The TWSS went completly over my head -Jane)

Jane:  Olivia sometimes it is difficult not to write things that are derogatory (sp?) to the Red Team

Love me through it…I just wanna cheer for you

BLACK WINS!

Lula:  WINNER WINNER LOW-FAT CHICKEN DINNER!

Jane:  New make-up with $6K

An executive chef?

Lula:  Think of all the MAC O and Hannah can buy with that money.

More FREE advertising, ahem

 Jane:  On what?

Ohh you said MAC, WAIT! That’s make-up I know that

Lula:  Yes–MAC.  It’s Olivia’s make-up of choice.  And Norah’s, too.

Jane:  <<— Make-up dumb

Oh wow! The Red Team WOW

I am glad I on’t have to love them

Poor Ken talking about snacks. Hey it’s Product Placment time!

Lula:  THESE COMMERCIALS ARE LAME

And the red team is…ah, I’ll be nice.

Jane:  So I think some of my vowels on my keyboard are sticking. It’s not just that I am a bad typer

Lula:  And be quiet.

Jane:  Although I can’t soell

Lula:  soell

ha!

Jane:  UGGHH

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“It’s Never A Hot Tub.”

19 Jan

Dear Team Purple:

A theme emerged in episode three of Biggest Loser Season 11, and that’s “Live together, die alone.”  We also met the Others for the first time.

And you know any time we can work in a reference to Lost we are totally going to do it, because Jane, Lula, and our own Olivia (Team Purple!) still lament the loss of our beloved show. You are required to love us through it.  Thank you.

Team Purple, along with the rest of the peeps training with Bob & Jillian, proved the power of teamwork, while Cara and Ben Brett were finally revealed to the audience as The New Trainers, over at the Dharma camp Red Barn.  (Dun-dun-duuuuuuun.)  I like to call them “Those people who aren’t Trainer Bob & Jillian,” because let’s face it…that’s what the rest of you are calling them, too.

For the night’s first challenge we find Sami Brady nicely bundled & prepared for the rain, whereas Team Purple seems to be standing in it, sans umbrella.  OK, that’s just rude.  NBC, let’s find color-coordinated umbrellas for our Biggest Losers, shall we?   And then we have black vans, a bunch of smack talking (are we loving Courtney from the Aqua team?  We are.), the balancing of eggs on frying pans clearly purchased from Big Lots, and the winning of a prize:  lunch cooked by some dude named Curtis Stone.  Since I’m a Biggest Loser newbie the name Curtis Stone means nothing to me but Team Purple’s Hannah tells all of America, “God carved him from cream cheese.”  Fat-free cream cheese, right?  I mean, this is The Biggest Loser.

Team Aqua wins the challenge (yay, Marcy!), while The Others give it to Deni (Team Pink), which is nice of them.  I’m saddened for Team Purple, but then Trainer Bob’s Turbo Tax commercial comes on & I fire my CPA on the spot.

Meanwhile back at the Ranch (OK, y’all…cut me some slack!  It only took me 3 posts to use that phrase) we see Team Purple working it out like nobody’s business.  And because they’re so hard-working and beautiful Trainer Bob is all, “Let’s go outside to talk.”  Clearly Hannah & Olivia are Bob’s favorites and none of us are surprised by this news.

Then…I get on my knees for Bob Harper and love him more than I ever imagined possible because he is so unbelievably good to our girls.  Hannah & Olivia take turns sharing their stories with Bob (Olivia’s was not shown on air–but we have it here for you!) and as we cried along with them, Bob encouraged Team Purple to “find out what your new dreams are…it’s time to make a dream come true!“‘

Dream ladies, Dream!

The Biggest Loser – Ep 1103: Week 3 – Purple’s Worry – Video – NBC.com.

BOB FOR KING OF THE UNIVERSE.  Pass me a Kleenex, will you?

Marcy and Deni meet Curtis Stone and he cooks for them.  He also prepares the ladies a delicious, healthy lunch.  Also, Curtis Stone is not carved of fat-free cream cheese.  I said that before seeing him. Curtis Stone is full-fat Philadelphia cream cheese.

There’s also a challenge taking place while Curtis cooks but I couldn’t keep up with that.  I mean…Curtis Stone is Australian and has surfer hair and he made pan-seared halibut and I’m all, “WHY HAVE I NEVER WATCHED THIS SHOW UNTIL THIS YEAR?”  Congrats to Marcy for winning a two pound advantage at the next weigh-in.  And for getting to hug Chef Stone.  Was the made of stone, Marcy?  ‘Cause you know I’m going to ask it of you.

We find our Biggest Losers facing yet another challenge and Team Purple provides, as per usual, the soundbite of the night:  Hannah sees the row of big basins and hopes for a hot tub.   Who wouldn’t?  But Olivia, the voice of reason, reminds her, “It’s never a hot tub.”  This is logic that can be applied to life at many junctures, of course.  Y’all…sometimes it’s just never a hot tub.

The challenge commences and Hannah deems it, “Straight up Little House on the Prairie-style.”  Does this mean Jillian is Nellie Oleson?  Because Bob is totally Almanzo.  Sigh…”Manly.”

That's Hot!

Team Purple and Aqua work well together.  Heck, they’re all working well together.  Dr. Jack Shepherd was right:  live together, die alone.   Another challenge completed.  And then there’s predictable drama in the house (Jillian is OVER it and so are we…I’m sure Team Purple is over it, too!) and we move on to the last chance workout.  In which Jillian proceeds to literally walk all over Olivia and Hannah.  In this context I am OK with it.  Walk all over Team Purple, Jillian.  DO IT.

And then it’s weigh-in time and you lovely purple people, lose the same as you did last time, a whopping 6 lbs! Again also, the purple ladies lose the same exact amount, which is a bit insane. As Bob says, “Those sisters are insync!” However, they’re not the only ones who are insync. Some people brought their excessive drama to the weigh in–Team Purple brought their excessive awesome, as evidenced by their consistent shedding of pounds & their always positive attitudes.

The second elimination round goes by and there are no surprises. Those go, who wanted to go. Most importantly, the purple, “insync” sisters made it through another round and WE ALL REJOICE!