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The One Where America Learns of the Delicacy Known as Monkey Bread & “none of this stuff looks as good as a hot guy”

25 Jan

Dear Purple Team: 

After last week’s weigh-in debacle, with the Don and Dan drama, we are more than ready for this week’s challenges and excitement. However, unlike when LOST aired last year, Prez Obama did not postpone his SOTU address, in order to accommodate two hours of the Biggest Loser (or as Jane’s Mom calls it, “The Greatest Loser). Clearly, he has not gotten the memo about the Biggest Loser being the true LOST replacement. Totally annoying, but as many of our Twitterer watching partners pointed out, the one hour time frame did make the show move a little faster.

Nevertheless, we start off knowing the show will end an hour earlier and the various teams, other than you girls, attack Don for his manipulation of the scale. Bless our Hannah, who remains the only one of the group to ask, if there’s something she could do to help poor 9 lbs gaining, Don. By the way, what do you think he did to gain the 9lbs? I came up with several suggestions, like stuffing his shorts with sand, wearing 9lb glasses, or guzzling 9lbs of water before weighing in (can you even do that). Enough with the lameness, even though I am quite flummoxed by how the gaining occurred, we move on to the 1st day back in the gym and Sami Brady shows up.

Dharma Monkey Bread? Yes, please!

Sami has a special challenge for our teams and our purple ladies. She has a fully stocked locker of Dahrma food of all the player’s favorite foods. We have pizza, mac & cheese (from the box, yugggg), cheesecake, and alas–MONKEY BREAD!

Now if you’ve ever been any kind of good southern kitchen worth its weight in butter, you’ve had yourselves some monkey bread. Olivia, of course described its texture and deliciousness to Sami, because evidently they don’t make good homemade baked goods in Salem. But we’ll love her through it. And alas, Sami and the Biggest Loser watching world, now know the delicacy, Monkey Bread and all is right with the world.

Not to be out done by the glorious monkey bread our girls give us another one of the best quotes of the night, when they are locked into the “food pantry”. Just as Hannah starts to turn her head away from Olivia’s, to gaze at her favorite cheesecake, you dear Olivia stop her to say, “Does any of this look as good as a hot guy?” All of America screams, NO for you, Hannah. And you all pass your test hand in hand.

Feel the Love! Feel the Power!

No one thinks of eating not even Dan/Don or whoever. Until…….Arthur. If you had to guess from the beginning who might eat, I think we would have all guessed Arthur, I am sorry to say. Ohhh Arthur. Bless it.  At least it was just a chicken wing And now that he ate, Arthur has to choose which team to send over to the “Barracks” with the Orthers. For no rhyme or reason he choses the green team, father/daughter, Jay and Jen. Well, there it is and there they go. I am sad they have to leave their friends to go to the other team, but I can’t help thinking they’re getting a great advantage in gameplay.
 
Then I wrote a bunch of stuff here and it got erased and I cannot remember what I wrote. My computer hates me clearly. I do remember it had to do with how awesome Team Purple is, and how I liked the Courtney bonding time with her mom and how cushy the Others had it over at the “barracks”. But anyhow…..

Next there is a new challenge involving guessing the total amount of calories for 5 of the temptation challenge items. The calorie total has to be guessed then hoisted up a flag pole type device and a button is pressed that will blink green for correct and red for incorrect. The green team comes over from Team Otherton to be included for this challenge and has to compete by themselves vs the rest of their old Ranch mates. However, via an easier pulley system or something, the difficulty in hoisting the numbers is equalled out, you just have to guess the right carlorie total number. In this challenge, the winner will get mail from home and we all rejoice at home, hoping you’ll get our letters and cards!! Wahoooo.

The Ranchers vs Team Green begin. There’s screaming on the Ranchers and realize that the Green Team can hear them if they scream what numbers they choose next. Uh oh….team work isn’t the Ranchers strong suit as we’ve seen with that crazy raft challenge. Watching the wrong numbers being hoisted up and having to bring them back down again makes us feel the pain in your eyes. So frustrating! But excellent exercise!
 
So finally, our Rancher team, including you ladies get the calorie amounts correct and win the challenge. Letters explode overhead all over the Ranchers. I look to find the stuff I know that has been sent your way. Seeing your arms filled with mail, brightens my spirit. I know you feel loved. The producers let you, Olivia, read an excellent letter from dear Ben and our eyes (even Jane’s) tear up. Others read some mail as well, Arthur from his kids, Dan/Don from his not so nice son, and on. It’s awesome. What a great way to end the show!
Like I said, no weigh-ins tonight, no kicking off of anyone, no losing of anything or anyone, just loveing notes from home. It makes me feel all loving and toasty, just remembering. Until next week, where there are two weigh-ins, two people possibly being sent home, and the return of the Others to the ranch. We’re not alone anymore, ladies.               
                       
Hoping there’s room for eveyone at the table next week,
Janet and Lula
               
PS I heard Jillian say, “God Bless” this week. Bless her heart.
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