NBC Wants Us to Not Like the Red Team, We Can’t Help It

Dear Team Purple:

In an effort to actually blog on time, our dearest Lula and I decided to LIVE Blog via GChat. We laughed together, we cried together, we prayed together, we screamed together, we made up stories together while bored (Red Team) and we compared ya’ll to LOST, as we should. Boy was this one a total nail biter. So very glad we made it through together. So at last, I bring you Random LIVE Blogging with Jane and Lula:

Jane:  And to begin

Hannah is amazing, but she needs to not argue with Jillian. Duh

Lula:  YES.

Jane:  Hannah you are capable!

4 reasons you do it

1) Tall and thin enough

2) Knowledge….what else?  I missed it…

Lula:  BECAUSE SHE’S SCARLETT O’HANNAH

I’m tweeting that.

 Jane:  that is it. And you know what Jill is right.  mean she does look aazing

that was amazing

Oh crap she’s making me want to get teary

I could watch the Hannah Banana show all seasn*  (*editor note – Jane is notorious for bad grammer and spelling. If it wasn’t in here, Olivia wouldn’t believe it was Jane)

 Lula:  She gon’ make me cry

 Jane:  How excited is it that Marci is now the captain? They needed a leader on that carebear team

I also think that I need to keep all bad spellings and grammer. That way Olivia will know it’s really me (*SEE)

Jane:  How much do I lovethat my Mama calls Jillian, Jill. Bless her heart. She called me as I was leaving work and she kept talking about “Jill”. Hhaha

OLIVIA!

Lula:  Look at her apron!

Jane:  Betty Crocker O

Lula:  BETTY CROCKER.

Jane:  They called her OB

Love it!

 Lula:  MAMA OLIVIA and her SIX GIRLS!  Bless it.

Jane:  Bless it. Hummus…I wants it

Spin Bike YES

Lula:  “WHAT WOULD A MOM DO?”  And now Obird is gonna make me cry.  Because we know.  WE KNOW.

I am screaming.  Please love me through it.

Jane:  She will be the greatst Mama, WE KNOW

Lula:  WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

See!  We KNOW!

WE KNOW THIS, JANET.  Oh, dear God.  Let’s just cry now.

(apparant crying ensues)

Jane:  Is it wrong that I want to yawn now?

Lula:  NO.  That they kept Kaylee (however you spell it) when she lost only 1 pound and sent Arthur home is RUDE.

(Marta just tweeted something awesome–we need to quote her.)* (* Never did find out what that was. LIVE blogging is fast)

Jane:  RUDE

I just told off Chris Weitz on Twitter. He tweets now Olivia and he kind of loses control. Doesn’t he know the Team Purple show is on?

I am a little bored still….”Family”

 Lula:  THE FAMILY STUFF IS LAME.COM <http://LAME.COM&gt;

 Jane:  Ewww Mud!

 Lula:  Also, Justin is NOT INSPIRING.

Jane:  NOT

I just said, “NOT” like that was a thoughtful comment

Ken is cooking?Hmmm

I forgot to eat lunch today, it sucks

I am hungry now.

I wonder if they use http://www.myfitnesspal.com like I do

Lula:  We had a BL supper–from the BL cookbook.

it was not so good, but hey–low calorie, low fat, LOW TASTE.  dangit.

Jane:  Was it Olivia nd not Ken based? Cause Olivia is Queen Cook

Not all the time…..Low clorie can be tasty! Really. But sometimes you get a bad one.

BURN

Gets my BURN

FREE ADVERTISING!! Now what do I get?

I type a bunch

Lula:  it was steamed brown rice (so boring) and steamed cut corn (no butter–lame) and chicken breast breaded with panko.  it was ok.  but not so tasty

Jane:  Why can’t they say when they went home? I mean some people know (and I am keepig this comment in)

It was during a hard time where people eat a lot people. I think i should be mentioned. But not by me

*it should be mentioned

Lula:  think what should be mentioned?

wait–confused.

Jane:  When the time at home was

During which period

CHALLENGE time

What does Sami have on?

Oh Sami…no

The hat!

Lula:  OH, SAMI. 

HALE NO.

That hat is ridiculous.  She knows better.  Marlena taught her better.

Jane:  What the heck are they gonna do with $6000 on campus

I don’t get the cash prize stuff while they are there

OK people Strateejury

Lula:  STRA TEE JURY.

Be right back–gotta kiss my girls.

Jane:  GO!

That’s right JEN. Red is NO victory

Lula:  back

Jane:  This is gross, and taking a while

Lula:  that is some GOO

and not GOO like our GOO

but goo like gross goo

Jane:  Gross GOO

I hope someone falls

DON’t Pannick

What on earth am I supposed to write

Lula:  “3 Foot Log”  TWSS

Jane:  OLIVIA “That Guy” YES!

That’s what we all think

Lula:  YES. i’ll tweet that. (The TWSS went completly over my head -Jane)

Jane:  Olivia sometimes it is difficult not to write things that are derogatory (sp?) to the Red Team

Love me through it…I just wanna cheer for you

BLACK WINS!

Lula:  WINNER WINNER LOW-FAT CHICKEN DINNER!

Jane:  New make-up with $6K

An executive chef?

Lula:  Think of all the MAC O and Hannah can buy with that money.

More FREE advertising, ahem

 Jane:  On what?

Ohh you said MAC, WAIT! That’s make-up I know that

Lula:  Yes–MAC.  It’s Olivia’s make-up of choice.  And Norah’s, too.

Jane:  <<— Make-up dumb

Oh wow! The Red Team WOW

I am glad I on’t have to love them

Poor Ken talking about snacks. Hey it’s Product Placment time!

Lula:  THESE COMMERCIALS ARE LAME

And the red team is…ah, I’ll be nice.

Jane:  So I think some of my vowels on my keyboard are sticking. It’s not just that I am a bad typer

Lula:  And be quiet.

Jane:  Although I can’t soell

Lula:  soell

ha!

Jane:  UGGHH

LAST CHANCE WORKOUT

Are we going to watch the weigh-in for an hour?

I guess so. Team Purple be glad it isn’t taped like that.

Lula:  I think Kaylee is going home.  For real.

Jane:  Did producers tell the Other trainers to wear red? I think YES!

Kaylee should have gone home last week. But we know.

My Mama said Arthur was on the Today Show this AM

He looked great and said what his current weight was, so she said

Lula:  OH, I missed him.  I loves me some Arthur.

I hate when Cara screams.  Actually, I hate when Cara exists.  THAT IS SO MEAN OF ME.

Jane:  Mama loved him too. She is way into this, becuse she loves Jane’ friends.

EVERYONE hates when Cara screams. #Rosieperezjr

You see it, don't you?

Lula:  OH MY GOSH.

SHE IS SO ROSIE PEREZ JR.

Jane:  I hate gruntin

and Rosie Perez Jr’s make up

NICE Boobs Rosie Perez Jr

Lula:  Go read my tweet.  it is genius.

Jane:  They almost kissed did you see?

Oh I am lying

Just making it more ineresting

NICE tweet

Lula:  KISSING.

Jane:  They’re doing it

See that hug?

 Sent at 9:05 PM on Tuesday

Lula:  GROSS.

he’d break her in two.

and then she’d be all…talking in that voice of hers.

I AM SO MEAN.  Olivia would publicly not condone this.

Jane:  TRUTH

But NBC wants us to HATE the red team

They are RED angry color

Lula:  EXACTLY

Jane:  Like “I se RED”

Lula:  like when ABC wanted us to hate Benjamin Linus and the OTHERS.

Jane:  I can’t help it

OHHH LOST, how I miss thee....even you, Ben

Lula:  the red team is still THE OTHERS.

Jane:  YES exactly like the OTHERs RED always is the OTHERS

Dear Purple Team NEVER be on this crazy Celebrity Apprenice show. PLEASE

BOB!!!

Bob’s circuit is awesome.BOB you always coddle. Awesome

When Bob yells it’s HOT (this required bolding)

Lula:  Bob is a hot piece.

OMG, it’s a shame he’s not on our team, so to speak.  ‘Cause he could be up on Hannah.  DUDE.

Jane:  SEE HOW SKINNY THEY ARE wow

No! Jillian (Jill) do not let them juggle ropes!

Lula:  The rope juggling is DUMB

Jane:  Did just hear the Eff word?

Marci is a HOT MAMA

Dear BOB, please yell again!

#HOTBob 1

Lula:  yes–he needs to do that.  KEEP YELLING, BOB.  Just keep doing that.

Jane:  Hannah Banana is STRONG not a mushy banana

I also like it when Bob cusses

I just do

Lula:  Yes.  He also needs to DO THAT MORE.

Jane:  WOW! Kaylee is tiny tiny

Lula:  Drop some eff bombs, Bob.

Jane:  Throw down, like you and Cara

Sami’s Boobs look huge!

Lula:  Them things are MELONS. 

Jane:  SHe must have got  new bra. FINALLY

Wait,Dear Justin’s wife, I am sorry

They are not doing it….I just don’t like Cara

Sami’s make-up is amazing.

Lula:  NO, of course Cara and Justin are platonic.  DUH.  We are joking and we’d never even pretend not to be joking.

But dude….

And yes, Sami looks like every inch the soap star she is.

(think she minds that we call her Sami?  ‘Cause I’m fully aware that her name is Alison Sweeney.  But she will forever be Samantha Brady to me.  Amen.)

 Sent at 9:16 PM on Tuesday

Jane:  Our dear friend Brookie pointed out that Justin is Mormon………a la BIG LOVE style with Cara

OK no, that is a joke too.

OK Here we go, Justin loses 8lbs. Claps abound

CareBear Black Team what do you do while waiting for th Red Team to weigh-in?

Oh wait…Rulon lost 8 lbs too.

Lula:  Kaylee & Moses are Mormon, too

they’re friends of a friend of mine–

small world, huh?

they’re in her ward in Idahoi

My friend, Steph

Jane:  Wonder if they’ve met Steph Meyer…………just kidding

Steph (yes, call her Steph now) is the only other Mormon I know

What necklace are you wearing Rozie Pere Jr

Oh Moses lost 8lbs

Kaylee please just go home, you are itsy bitsy

 Lula:  yes–she needs to go it home.  GO IT ON HOME, girl

 Jane:  Bob has a dress shirt and sports jacket on…he looks YUMMY

Oh and Kaylee lost 5lbs

Austin, is up. I like his name—NOT his hair

Lula:  I’ve decided Bob could wear ashes and a sackcloth and he would like F-I-N-E.

Jane:  That is why he is #HOTBob

He lost 6lbs now.

#HOTBob 2

Ken the cook is now up….

Lula:  Austin needs a new hairdid

BIG time. 

Jane:  Hair probably weighs 1lb

Ken lost 9lbs, the most

Lula:  His hair is gorgeous…

BUT…it’s too much for 1 dude.  like…shave that shiz, Austin. 

Jane:  Who, Ken’s

Lula:  no, austin

Jane:  Oh Austin

Hahhaha

Lula:  it’s ridiculous.

Ken doesn’t have enough hair for it to be gorgeous, SILLY!

Jane:  Ohhh Cara finally fixed the bad under eye make-up

Lula:  Cara has on some blingy bling

Jane:  Bling bling

Her name is Cara-Blingbling

Lula:  YES. 

It suits her Jersey Shore-ness

Jane:  Fits the Rosie Perez Jr persona

Lula:  I think the Black Team has this.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

BLACK BLACK BLACK

I’m cheering.

Jane:  They should have this

BLACK

GO TeamCareBear

Lula:  Marci & COurtney love Jesus. 

Jane:  I see her coss…it’s a beauty

So dainty and pretty

Marci I mean

 Sent at 9:28 PM on Tuesday

Lula:  Well, Marci is dainty and pretty, too.  As is her cross.  And can you believe how little Courtney is getting? DUDE.

Have you seen the tweet rumors about her and Austin?  BIGGEST LOSER LOVE! 

Wooooooo!

Jane:  Awwww that would RULE

How exciting would that be for her

I like rumors that are real

Unlike the fake Justin rumors (Sorry Justin’s wife)

Lula:  yes, me, too

i want Olivia to have a baby (because that’s what she wants most in the world)

and I want Hannah to have a  hot boyfriendc

boyfriend

and that not to be a rumor

GO MARCI

Jane:  I would also like a hot boy friend

“That’s my captain!”

#HOTBob 3

Lula:  BOB looks like a HOT Librarian

Jane:  Hannah is the best

Lula:  I also want you to have a  hot non-marine boyfriend

Jane:  Hot Librian man, is very hot hot

I spelled that wrong. I made him a Libra

Lula:  hahahaha

or a professor

Jane:  Courtney is HALF her size

Courtney and her Mom lost 5lbs

Ohh and his (Bob’s) shirt matches his eyes

Lula:  Let’s just have a ROBERT LOVEFEST, shall we?

because I am all over that

Jane:  The REALRobert ahem

Lula:  WORD.

Jane:  Excitng

Another 5lbs by Irene

Lula:  Irene is looking incredible, too!

GO GIRLS!!!! WOOOOOOOO!

Jane:  The CareBear Team is all gorgeous

Sara’s turn!

If you think she's gorgeous here, you should see her now!

Lula:  Sara is really pretty.

Sarah, opps…like the Biblical Sarah

Jane:  Oh it’s an H Sara

Sarah

Sarah lost 4lbs

OLIVIA!!!

Lula:  OLIVIA!!!!!!

 Jane:  “Mom’s of America!” Just not “those” Moms

Lula:  I want her to be a MOM OF AMERICA

Jane:  Me too. She will be. I know it. STOP Commercialing on OLIVIA!!

Sorry I had to yell

 Sent at 9:38 PM on Tuesday

Lula:  THEY ALWAYS COMMERCIAL ON OLIVIA

I like how we made “commercialing” a verb

I also like how I’ve screamed this entire chat.

love me through it

Jane:  Dear Purple Ladies: It is difficult to write for 2 hours. I would do it all over again for you two tho

 Sent at 9:40 PM on Tuesday

Lula:  Do you think we are boring?  I think we are awesome

But you know what is not awesome?

Jane:  don’t care because it’s for the ladies

Lula:  These RUDE commercials for the Next Great Restaurant in between Biggest Loser.

RUDE, NBC.

Jane:  Besides we are NEVER boring

Oh no. Olivia lost 2 pounds only

me:  Oh Olivia, we want you to have your babies

Crap

Lula:  I”m crying

Jane:  This is lame lame lame

Don’t lose the captain

HANNAH lose a HOUSE!

No crying!! We need Hannah to lose a house!

WHAT THE?

WTF?

CRAPOLA

Hannah…..I love you and I don’t even know you like I do your sis.

At least it wasn’t a gain 9lbs. Remember that week?

Crapola again! 1lb. What the heck?

Lula:  DAMN.  This weigh in SUCKED BUNGHOLE.

You know what, though?

This is an all-woman team

Jane:  This is true and it blows.

Lula:  There’s factors…

like PMSing, periods, water bloat, etc.

Jane:  The factors also suck and you know they are all together on the same cycle

Sooo sad. Marci.

Nooo not Marci…

Lula:  Yep–they’re all perioding.

Jane:  Crap. Marci can’t go. Now what?

Well what do we do?

WHo goes????

(And Lula dissapears off the face of the earth for a time)

I amso nervous I can’t even write……OHHHH ladies

I assure you, that is not actually Jane or Lula

I am biting my nails….

Lula:  DON’T BITE! Olivia would swat your hand from your mouth.

 Sent at 9:51 PM on Tuesday

Jane:  Ugghhh sitting on my hands…ok not really

TEARS already TEARS

THIS is sooo difficult

NOOO Marci not Olivia

Lula:  DUDE

Jane:  Sarah has a vote now too

SO scary

Lula:  Oh, Sarah.  Bless it.

Jane:  Another vote for Sarah. SO bad. Tears tears tears

This is awful.

 Sent at 9:54 PM on Tuesday

Jane:  Holding breath. Women of faith are the best womem

Lula:  TURRIBLE

Jane:  Sarah is not the Biggest Loser. So sad.

Lula:  Just TURRIBLE

I hate the dang red team.

Yes, hate is a bad, strong word.  Jesus, forgive me.

Jane:  I can’t wait to see Sarah now!

And at the end

OH MY GOSH!

Se is amazing

Lula:  SHE IS GORGEOUS

NOT actually Sarah now, but pretty darn close. (I don't know why she's swirly)

Jane:  GORGEOUS!

She’s also wearing purple!

Wonder what would happen if they got preggers?

“By accident”

OK, well that was fun…. and next week looks soooooooooooooo intense. ANOTHER nail biter. geez

Lula:  i’d cheer her on–because it’s her dfream

dream

Jane:  Good point. Until next week.

Lula:  as long as she stays healthy and doesn’t get crazy with eating her life away while pregnant, ya know?

Jane:  ready to sign off?

 Sent at 10:01 PM on Tuesday

Jane:  I gotta go work out

LULA

Stop tweeting and sign off

Ummm bye bye

Lula:  I LOVE  YOU!

oh

bye!

Finding a Pic to Fit ANY Random Thought,

Jane and Lula