Dear Team Purple:
In an effort to actually blog on time, our dearest Lula and I decided to LIVE Blog via GChat. We laughed together, we cried together, we prayed together, we screamed together, we made up stories together while bored (Red Team) and we compared ya’ll to LOST, as we should. Boy was this one a total nail biter. So very glad we made it through together. So at last, I bring you Random LIVE Blogging with Jane and Lula:
Jane: And to begin
Hannah is amazing, but she needs to not argue with Jillian. Duh
Jane: Hannah you are capable!
4 reasons you do it
1) Tall and thin enough
2) Knowledge….what else? I missed it…
Lula: BECAUSE SHE’S SCARLETT O’HANNAH
I’m tweeting that.
Jane: that is it. And you know what Jill is right. mean she does look aazing
that was amazing
Oh crap she’s making me want to get teary
I could watch the Hannah Banana show all seasn* (*editor note – Jane is notorious for bad grammer and spelling. If it wasn’t in here, Olivia wouldn’t believe it was Jane)
Lula: She gon’ make me cry
Jane: How excited is it that Marci is now the captain? They needed a leader on that carebear team
I also think that I need to keep all bad spellings and grammer. That way Olivia will know it’s really me (*SEE)
Jane: How much do I lovethat my Mama calls Jillian, Jill. Bless her heart. She called me as I was leaving work and she kept talking about “Jill”. Hhaha
Lula: Look at her apron!
Lula: BETTY CROCKER.
Jane: They called her OB
Lula: MAMA OLIVIA and her SIX GIRLS! Bless it.
Jane: Bless it. Hummus…I wants it
Spin Bike YES
Lula: “WHAT WOULD A MOM DO?” And now Obird is gonna make me cry. Because we know. WE KNOW.
I am screaming. Please love me through it.
Jane: She will be the greatst Mama, WE KNOW
Lula: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
See! We KNOW!
(apparant crying ensues)
Jane: Is it wrong that I want to yawn now?
Lula: NO. That they kept Kaylee (however you spell it) when she lost only 1 pound and sent Arthur home is RUDE.
(Marta just tweeted something awesome–we need to quote her.)* (* Never did find out what that was. LIVE blogging is fast)
I just told off Chris Weitz on Twitter. He tweets now Olivia and he kind of loses control. Doesn’t he know the Team Purple show is on?
I am a little bored still….”Family”
Lula: THE FAMILY STUFF IS LAME.COM <http://LAME.COM>
Jane: Ewww Mud!
Lula: Also, Justin is NOT INSPIRING.
I just said, “NOT” like that was a thoughtful comment
Ken is cooking?Hmmm
I forgot to eat lunch today, it sucks
I am hungry now.
I wonder if they use http://www.myfitnesspal.com like I do
Lula: We had a BL supper–from the BL cookbook.
it was not so good, but hey–low calorie, low fat, LOW TASTE. dangit.
Jane: Was it Olivia nd not Ken based? Cause Olivia is Queen Cook
Not all the time…..Low clorie can be tasty! Really. But sometimes you get a bad one.
Gets my BURN
I type a bunch
Lula: it was steamed brown rice (so boring) and steamed cut corn (no butter–lame) and chicken breast breaded with panko. it was ok. but not so tasty
Jane: Why can’t they say when they went home? I mean some people know (and I am keepig this comment in)
It was during a hard time where people eat a lot people. I think i should be mentioned. But not by me
*it should be mentioned
Lula: think what should be mentioned?
Jane: When the time at home was
During which period
What does Sami have on?
Lula: OH, SAMI.
That hat is ridiculous. She knows better. Marlena taught her better.
Jane: What the heck are they gonna do with $6000 on campus
I don’t get the cash prize stuff while they are there
Lula: STRA TEE JURY.
Be right back–gotta kiss my girls.
That’s right JEN. Red is NO victory
Jane: This is gross, and taking a while
Lula: that is some GOO
and not GOO like our GOO
but goo like gross goo
Jane: Gross GOO
I hope someone falls
What on earth am I supposed to write
Lula: “3 Foot Log” TWSS
Jane: OLIVIA “That Guy” YES!
That’s what we all think
Lula: YES. i’ll tweet that. (The TWSS went completly over my head -Jane)
Jane: Olivia sometimes it is difficult not to write things that are derogatory (sp?) to the Red Team
Love me through it…I just wanna cheer for you
Lula: WINNER WINNER LOW-FAT CHICKEN DINNER!
Jane: New make-up with $6K
An executive chef?
Lula: Think of all the MAC O and Hannah can buy with that money.
Jane: On what?
Ohh you said MAC, WAIT! That’s make-up I know that
Lula: Yes–MAC. It’s Olivia’s make-up of choice. And Norah’s, too.
Jane: <<— Make-up dumb
Oh wow! The Red Team WOW
I am glad I on’t have to love them
Poor Ken talking about snacks. Hey it’s Product Placment time!
Lula: THESE COMMERCIALS ARE LAME
And the red team is…ah, I’ll be nice.
Jane: So I think some of my vowels on my keyboard are sticking. It’s not just that I am a bad typer
Lula: And be quiet.
Jane: Although I can’t soell
LAST CHANCE WORKOUT
Are we going to watch the weigh-in for an hour?
I guess so. Team Purple be glad it isn’t taped like that.
Lula: I think Kaylee is going home. For real.
Jane: Did producers tell the Other trainers to wear red? I think YES!
Kaylee should have gone home last week. But we know.
My Mama said Arthur was on the Today Show this AM
He looked great and said what his current weight was, so she said
Lula: OH, I missed him. I loves me some Arthur.
I hate when Cara screams. Actually, I hate when Cara exists. THAT IS SO MEAN OF ME.
Jane: Mama loved him too. She is way into this, becuse she loves Jane’ friends.
EVERYONE hates when Cara screams. #Rosieperezjr
Lula: OH MY GOSH.
SHE IS SO ROSIE PEREZ JR.
Jane: I hate gruntin
and Rosie Perez Jr’s make up
NICE Boobs Rosie Perez Jr
Lula: Go read my tweet. it is genius.
Jane: They almost kissed did you see?
Oh I am lying
Just making it more ineresting
Jane: They’re doing it
See that hug?
Sent at 9:05 PM on Tuesday
he’d break her in two.
and then she’d be all…talking in that voice of hers.
I AM SO MEAN. Olivia would publicly not condone this.
But NBC wants us to HATE the red team
They are RED angry color
Jane: Like “I se RED”
Lula: like when ABC wanted us to hate Benjamin Linus and the OTHERS.
Jane: I can’t help it
Lula: the red team is still THE OTHERS.
Jane: YES exactly like the OTHERs RED always is the OTHERS
Dear Purple Team NEVER be on this crazy Celebrity Apprenice show. PLEASE
Bob’s circuit is awesome.BOB you always coddle. Awesome
When Bob yells it’s HOT (this required bolding)
Lula: Bob is a hot piece.
OMG, it’s a shame he’s not on our team, so to speak. ‘Cause he could be up on Hannah. DUDE.
Jane: SEE HOW SKINNY THEY ARE wow
No! Jillian (Jill) do not let them juggle ropes!
Lula: The rope juggling is DUMB
Jane: Did just hear the Eff word?
Marci is a HOT MAMA
Dear BOB, please yell again!
Lula: yes–he needs to do that. KEEP YELLING, BOB. Just keep doing that.
Jane: Hannah Banana is STRONG not a mushy banana
I also like it when Bob cusses
I just do
Lula: Yes. He also needs to DO THAT MORE.
Jane: WOW! Kaylee is tiny tiny
Lula: Drop some eff bombs, Bob.
Jane: Throw down, like you and Cara
Sami’s Boobs look huge!
Lula: Them things are MELONS.
Jane: SHe must have got new bra. FINALLY
Wait,Dear Justin’s wife, I am sorry
They are not doing it….I just don’t like Cara
Sami’s make-up is amazing.
Lula: NO, of course Cara and Justin are platonic. DUH. We are joking and we’d never even pretend not to be joking.
And yes, Sami looks like every inch the soap star she is.
(think she minds that we call her Sami? ‘Cause I’m fully aware that her name is Alison Sweeney. But she will forever be Samantha Brady to me. Amen.)
Sent at 9:16 PM on Tuesday
Jane: Our dear friend Brookie pointed out that Justin is Mormon………a la BIG LOVE style with Cara
OK no, that is a joke too.
OK Here we go, Justin loses 8lbs. Claps abound
CareBear Black Team what do you do while waiting for th Red Team to weigh-in?
Oh wait…Rulon lost 8 lbs too.
Lula: Kaylee & Moses are Mormon, too
they’re friends of a friend of mine–
small world, huh?
they’re in her ward in Idahoi
Jane: Wonder if they’ve met Steph Meyer…………just kidding
Steph (yes, call her Steph now) is the only other Mormon I know
What necklace are you wearing Rozie Pere Jr
Oh Moses lost 8lbs
Kaylee please just go home, you are itsy bitsy
Lula: yes–she needs to go it home. GO IT ON HOME, girl
Jane: Bob has a dress shirt and sports jacket on…he looks YUMMY
Oh and Kaylee lost 5lbs
Austin, is up. I like his name—NOT his hair
Lula: I’ve decided Bob could wear ashes and a sackcloth and he would like F-I-N-E.
Jane: That is why he is #HOTBob
He lost 6lbs now.
Ken the cook is now up….
Lula: Austin needs a new hairdid
Jane: Hair probably weighs 1lb
Ken lost 9lbs, the most
Lula: His hair is gorgeous…
BUT…it’s too much for 1 dude. like…shave that shiz, Austin.
Jane: Who, Ken’s
Lula: no, austin
Jane: Oh Austin
Lula: it’s ridiculous.
Ken doesn’t have enough hair for it to be gorgeous, SILLY!
Jane: Ohhh Cara finally fixed the bad under eye make-up
Lula: Cara has on some blingy bling
Jane: Bling bling
Her name is Cara-Blingbling
It suits her Jersey Shore-ness
Jane: Fits the Rosie Perez Jr persona
Lula: I think the Black Team has this.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
BLACK BLACK BLACK
Lula: Marci & COurtney love Jesus.
Jane: I see her coss…it’s a beauty
So dainty and pretty
Marci I mean
Sent at 9:28 PM on Tuesday
Lula: Well, Marci is dainty and pretty, too. As is her cross. And can you believe how little Courtney is getting? DUDE.
Have you seen the tweet rumors about her and Austin? BIGGEST LOSER LOVE!
Jane: Awwww that would RULE
How exciting would that be for her
I like rumors that are real
Unlike the fake Justin rumors (Sorry Justin’s wife)
Lula: yes, me, too
i want Olivia to have a baby (because that’s what she wants most in the world)
and I want Hannah to have a hot boyfriendc
and that not to be a rumor
Jane: I would also like a hot boy friend
“That’s my captain!”
Lula: BOB looks like a HOT Librarian
Jane: Hannah is the best
Lula: I also want you to have a hot non-marine boyfriend
Jane: Hot Librian man, is very hot hot
I spelled that wrong. I made him a Libra
or a professor
Jane: Courtney is HALF her size
Courtney and her Mom lost 5lbs
Ohh and his (Bob’s) shirt matches his eyes
Lula: Let’s just have a ROBERT LOVEFEST, shall we?
because I am all over that
Jane: The REALRobert ahem
Another 5lbs by Irene
Lula: Irene is looking incredible, too!
GO GIRLS!!!! WOOOOOOOO!
Jane: The CareBear Team is all gorgeous
Lula: Sara is really pretty.
Sarah, opps…like the Biblical Sarah
Jane: Oh it’s an H Sara
Sarah lost 4lbs
Jane: “Mom’s of America!” Just not “those” Moms
Lula: I want her to be a MOM OF AMERICA
Jane: Me too. She will be. I know it. STOP Commercialing on OLIVIA!!
Sorry I had to yell
Sent at 9:38 PM on Tuesday
Lula: THEY ALWAYS COMMERCIAL ON OLIVIA
I like how we made “commercialing” a verb
I also like how I’ve screamed this entire chat.
love me through it
Jane: Dear Purple Ladies: It is difficult to write for 2 hours. I would do it all over again for you two tho
Sent at 9:40 PM on Tuesday
Lula: Do you think we are boring? I think we are awesome
But you know what is not awesome?
Jane: don’t care because it’s for the ladies
Lula: These RUDE commercials for the Next Great Restaurant in between Biggest Loser.
Jane: Besides we are NEVER boring
Oh no. Olivia lost 2 pounds only
me: Oh Olivia, we want you to have your babies
Lula: I”m crying
Jane: This is lame lame lame
Don’t lose the captain
HANNAH lose a HOUSE!
No crying!! We need Hannah to lose a house!
Hannah…..I love you and I don’t even know you like I do your sis.
At least it wasn’t a gain 9lbs. Remember that week?
Crapola again! 1lb. What the heck?
Lula: DAMN. This weigh in SUCKED BUNGHOLE.
You know what, though?
This is an all-woman team
Jane: This is true and it blows.
Lula: There’s factors…
like PMSing, periods, water bloat, etc.
Jane: The factors also suck and you know they are all together on the same cycle
Sooo sad. Marci.
Nooo not Marci…
Lula: Yep–they’re all perioding.
Jane: Crap. Marci can’t go. Now what?
Well what do we do?
(And Lula dissapears off the face of the earth for a time)
I amso nervous I can’t even write……OHHHH ladies
I am biting my nails….
Lula: DON’T BITE! Olivia would swat your hand from your mouth.
Sent at 9:51 PM on Tuesday
Jane: Ugghhh sitting on my hands…ok not really
TEARS already TEARS
THIS is sooo difficult
NOOO Marci not Olivia
Jane: Sarah has a vote now too
Lula: Oh, Sarah. Bless it.
Jane: Another vote for Sarah. SO bad. Tears tears tears
This is awful.
Sent at 9:54 PM on Tuesday
Jane: Holding breath. Women of faith are the best womem
Jane: Sarah is not the Biggest Loser. So sad.
Lula: Just TURRIBLE
I hate the dang red team.
Yes, hate is a bad, strong word. Jesus, forgive me.
Jane: I can’t wait to see Sarah now!
And at the end
OH MY GOSH!
Se is amazing
Lula: SHE IS GORGEOUS
She’s also wearing purple!
Wonder what would happen if they got preggers?
OK, well that was fun…. and next week looks soooooooooooooo intense. ANOTHER nail biter. geez
Lula: i’d cheer her on–because it’s her dfream
Jane: Good point. Until next week.
Lula: as long as she stays healthy and doesn’t get crazy with eating her life away while pregnant, ya know?
Jane: ready to sign off?
Jane: I gotta go work out
Stop tweeting and sign off
Ummm bye bye
Lula: I LOVE YOU!
Finding a Pic to Fit ANY Random Thought,
Jane and Lula